In general, difficulties in conversations can arise from a few different sources: the relationship, value differences, structural problems, data problems. See how your previous answers fit into the categories below.

A silhouette of a person deep in contemplation
Figure adapted from C. Moore, 1996 and Ellen Zweibel

Let’s explore each on in turn.

The good news is that we can build skills around each of these aspects even before the conversation starts. There is no guarantee that the conversation will be successful, but there will be a greater chance of a constructive outcome.

We’ll start with

  1. getting to know ourselves better,
  2. build listening and empathy skills, then
  3. learn to make a plan for a difficult conversation.

Let’s get started.

Learning activities: Self-assessment

Let’s bring the idea of conversations into ourselves as individuals, to start identifying aspects that we can improve on, even before we start the conversation itself.

A brain surrounded by various self-promoting blurbs

What are some of the things you can think of from past conversations that you did to help a conversation go well?

A brain surrounded by various self-critical blurbs

What are some of the things that may have made the conversation harder or that you wish you could have done differently? There are some examples below to help generate ideas.

Go to your Workbook and write your answers, and then click on the checkbox.

Maintaining respect and dignity, including the impact of implicit biases

In any conversation, each person’s dignity should be protected, and the people involved in the conversation should strive to maintain mutual respect. Implicit biases are one of the aspects that can threaten that dignity and respect in the conversation.

We all have biases; they‘re part of our learning and upbringing. They can both tell parts of our stories (who we are, what matters to us) and can cause harm when they knowingly or unknowingly impact situations (e.g., not shortlisting an interview candidate based on their gender).

a clean, well-lit workspace

In this section, we invite you to examine some of your biases. By becoming more self-aware, we bring more knowledge and tools to difficult conversations.

Learning activities: Implicit biases

Instruction: For this activity, we want you to look inward to best understand how your lifestyle and experiences shape your opinions and beliefs.

To begin, let’s learn a little about you:

  • Where did you grow up?
  • What education level do you have?
  • What kind of job do you have/have you had?
  • What is your cultural background?
  • What hobbies and interests do you have?

Now for each of these points, think of one way that this feature impacts your perspectives. This is key to recognizing your biases. These features of your personality, even if they seem small, can affect how you form opinions, and guide you through conversations.